Everybody deserves to be listened to and heard. I mean everybody – even the politicians shouting conspiracy theories and every seemingly “crazy” person out there. I don’t mean they deserve a platform for hate or anything like that, I mean they deserve to be heard and listened to because if they were really listened to then it would be clear they need help, it would be clear that something is wrong.

My whole life I have struggled to be heard and to have anyone really listen to me and it’s caused me terrible suffering. This has often been mental anguish but sometimes physical too – for example I am very allergic to certain foods and always make that clear in restaurants but sometimes I’m not truly listened to and heard and I have been in severe physical pain because of that. I haven’t posted on here much even though I planned on doing so much more often – this blog is something that very few people ever read but I started it because I need a place to speak and, hopefully, to be heard.

In my life very few people ever really listen to me. Even the family and so-called friends that should be the first ones to. They happily spout all their problems and then when it came to my turn they didn’t have time. This has been especially true the last 4 years, during which I’ve had all sorts of physical issues that doctors couldn’t explain away easily or just give me a pill for. One doctor look me straight in the eye and just said, “You’re a pain in the ass.” What the hell sort of thing is that for someone who is supposed to be a healer to say? Nearly every doctor sent me backwards, not forwards. This all came to a head last December when I began to get terrible acid reflex. It became so bad that I had to stop eating solid food for over a month and couldn’t speak. I was using an app on my phone to communicate with my family. Doctors shoved me full of acid blocking meds (which caused tons of problems) and refused to listen when I even suggested high acid might not be the issue. When it finally came down to it and I was able to get a endoscopy the results showed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my esophagus and throat. After seeing those results – those concrete results – I started to be able to speak again and slowly took myself off the meds entirely. High acid my ass.

As bizarre as fat sounds it’s it seems that it was all because I just can’t get people to listen to me – to really listen to me – not just to hear what they want to hear so that they can dismiss me and go on to the next thing. What a terrible thing for humans to do to one another – we think so many things are so important while we’re ignoring what’s right in front of us.

My severe physical issues started back in late 2019 when I was working as a barista. It was at an independent shop where I was not like everyone else in certain ways that I have no control over. I was routinely dismissed because I was different and because of it people didn’t listen to me. Work became so tense that I got to the point I couldn’t hold a coffee cup in order to make a drink. Tension increased until I had to leave. It got so bad I could barely feed myself because all blood flow to my arms and hands was severely constricted. After working with these people for 7 months day in and day out, in close quarters, only one – one – reached out to even ask, “Hey, are you okay?” In my first months there I was named Barista of the Month. I did my job well and worked my butt off, it wasn’t that. I was different and I left in horrible pain and it didn’t matter to these people.

Do you know what that does to a person? It kills them, it makes them believe they aren’t worth a goddamn thing. Worst of all these were people who proclaimed themselves to be among the most open minded in the world, always spouting about how they were concerned – concerned about this group or that group being discriminated against and suffering. Meanwhile when someone that they knew intimately for 7 months had his body completely fail so he could not do a basic job or take care of himself they couldn’t care last. And now here we are years later and I’m still suffering in the name manner and in a lot of ways I believe it’s because people won’t listen to me – they won’t hear me because they don’t want to because they think so many things are so much more important than other fellow human beings standing right in front of them.

“Material shit is what matters and I need to grab every little bit of it because it helps me to push away the knowledge that I and everyone I know will die – you, you who are suffering, you are a reminder of my own mortality. Away with you.”

May everyone out there be heard and listened to. I would never wish this on anyone. That’s the most important thing you can do for another person – be there for them, listen to what’s going on below their words, not just the words that they are saying, and look for the suffering and look for the pain. Simply being an engaged witness can greatly benefit others. You don’t have to invest all sorts of time and money you just have to be there and listen to them when they need to be heard. Take care of each other, we are all we have.

We are all we have.