I must have been either 14 or 15 the first time I read Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. I underlined a bunch of quotes in that amazing novel, but one I wrote out on the wall of my bedroom:

“You’re antagonistic to the idea of being robbed, exploited, degraded, humiliated, or deceived. Misery depresses you. Ignorance depresses you. Persecution depresses you. Violence depresses you. Corruption depresses you. You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if you’re a manic-depressive!”

“Yes, sir. Perhaps I am.”

“Don’t try to deny it.”

I was a very moody kid, often accused of being depressed. Even at that age, it didn’t make any sense to me that depression was something you just “had” that could be cured with a pill. As the years have passed that makes less and less sense, but society continues to double down on that unfounded idea. Just look around and, like Yossarian, you’ll find endless things to be depressed about.

The same holds true for anger. I’ve always had anger issues, and recently realized just how much anger I still have in me. Yes, I’m angry that millions are still being exploited every day in seemingly endless ways, I’m angry that so many people have embraced authoritarianism, I’m angry that we treat animals as commodities to be butchered for our pleasure, rather than the thinking, feeling souls that they are, I’m angry that doctors won’t listen to me and think they know my situation better than I do after spending less than 10 minutes with me. And obviously, I could go on and on.

All that and more is true, but I’m tired of being angry all the time, and decided something has to change. I need to start small and what came to mind is commercials.

Yup, commercials. Sound silly? It is, but so is this tech-bro led culture we’ve allowed to flourish despite what it’s doing to all of us.

Commercials regularly talk down to us, convincing us we need something we absolutely don’t, either implying, or outright stating, that we would be happy if only we bought X, Y, or Z. With our attention economy, they yell more, throwing everything at you to get your attention, desperate for your money. They used to be limited in scope. Now, with new tech, they reach into every single place of modern life, with more and more of them being squeezed in on TV, websites, even refrigerators for god’s sake. How are we all okay with this? And why does anyone need a screen on their fridge? In short, they don’t, but instead of using money to help people, or animals, or the environment, people spend it on a fridge with a screen in it. Good lord.

I didn’t start out hating commercials – quite the opposite. I have such positive associations with those of my childhood that I’ll sometimes watch compilations of them on YouTube. (Of course much of this is due to how safe and loved I felt when a kid, when I was sheltered from the realities of the world.) Contrast that with today, when I have an immediate, caustic comment for nearly every one of them, and there are more and more in more and more places. It is estimated that we are exposed to somewhere between between 4,000 and 10,000 ads a day. A DAY. To me it doesn’t matter how many we consciously remember, our brains are still exposed to them and that in itself has an impact. That’s at least 4,000 times someone tries to sell us on something in a day. What the hell is this world we’ve created? That’s 4,000 times you are told you don’t have something that you “should,” or that you aren’t doing something that you “should.” What if we actually cared about each other and not materialism, how would the world be if we were exposed to 4,000 messages every day of “you are enough and what you have is enough”? How different things could be.

But then, most people can watch these commercials without rage, so what happened to me? I can trace it back to grade school, to a time when we were taken out of our classes to sit in a room and watch toy commercials, then fill out surveys about them. Yup, we were unwittingly used for market research, and my school paid to offer us up as test subjects instead of teaching us. When I realized this years later I was livid. How sick is that? That, again, was back in the 80s, before data mining led these companies to know more about us than we know about ourselves, which they use to aggressively target us. That fact that I’m being targeted, used, disrespected, reduced to a series of attributes in the hopes of making money off of me, usually over things that no one needs or even things like alcohol and garbage food that have the potential to actually harm me.

The real reason I get so angry is because I want to be seen, heard, treated like an individual – respected. Isn’t that what we all want? “Well,” these companies argue, “that’s what we’re doing by targeting you like we do.” Bullshit. You’re just desperate for anything that will get me to part with my money. If it was something I needed, I would look for it, not have to have it force fed to me. But, if I let these companies and their tactics get to me, then, ultimately, that’s on me, isn’t it? They can do whatever foul things they choose, and the best thing I can do is not let myself get so bothered. To that end, I’ve flipped the script and started using the timer for ads that are on most streaming services as a deep breathing timer. “Hey, I get to do deep breathing for 90 seconds!” That’s a much different reaction in my body than, “Really? Another prescription drug ad that may clear up a minor issue, but potentially kill you in the process?”

Buying into ads, and getting angry at ads, both give the companies the win, both reactions allow them to manipulate you, dehumanize you. Forget that, I’m out. Do your best, giant corporations, I’m out.