In 80 days worth of traveling and hanging out with all kinds of people, solid quotes are bound to come up. Here are some of the choice few which I had the foresight to record for posterity, completely context-free. I place them here anonymously, but chronologically. Only one is from me, taken from when I had sunstroke in Hawaii and didn’t feel attached to my own thoughts.
- “I accidentally took meth and stayed up for 35 hours. I thought it was Molly.”
- “Her priorities are family and partying and mine are cats and math.”
- “This girl showed us her boobs in a bar once.”
- “When you cut into a cactus you’ll find the coldest water ever.”
- “Bump. Dip. Hump.”
- “This is where the magic happens.”
- “It was deceptively moist.”
- “Now if someone starts chanting at you, you rush them and hit them before they stop talking.”
- “Sometimes the only sex you can get is Harry Potter sex.”
- “You know what would go well with freedom? Ice cream.”
- “If there was a state called Janetka it would be Wyoming’s polar opposite.”
- “Vegetables for the Road: The Greg Janetka story.”
- “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten an elk before.”
- “Ivan Goodman woke up and his mummy was gone.”
- “I just think the chopped salads are beautiful.”
- “The naked Henry Kissinger – that’s a good litmus test.”
- “Except for the eastern part of the state, where the Republicans and Democrats came together and said ‘let’s make meth.'”
- “You can be the vegan Sancho Panza to my hot dog tilting friend.”
- “Because moms are girls and you’re not a girl.”
- “Breakfast sausage is one of those things I could never really cook right.”
- “Man, these things are like planes without wings.”
- “Everything I touch turns to shit!”
- “You are statistically average.”
- “Call me old fashioned but butts and boobs are good enough for me.”
- “Because doughnuts.”
- “The scary ones are when you think, ‘Is it going to touch my butt?'”
- “We have thermonuclear Bloody Mary’s available.”
- “If you would’ve asked me about his facial hair situation I would have agonized between the chinstrap and full on goatee.”
- “He looks like if Edward Scissorhands let himself go.”
- “Why does my water taste like vanilla frosting?”
- “I don’t like Harry Potter, I just look like Harry Potter.”
- “I wonder what happens when you breed a black man with a ginger.”
Words will keep us together 