Gone.

Tired. So tired of being sick
beaten down by allergies and other health problems
it hasn’t changed since grade school.
Dreamed of it being different for so long, but it never is, it’s always the same.

The initial “new” excitement always fades into reality.
I feel like everyone I care about is dead.
Threw up at work today in a shower and a sink.
Home seems very, very far away.

I need to sleep and dream and not drink to excess anymore.
So much running too fast.
So much time lost sick/hungover/drunk/passed out.

Started to go our separate ways. I turned back, grabbed her & kissed her & she kissed back. It was lovely.

We are nowhere and it’s now.

-For more in this series and the story behind it, see 13 years