As has been our tradition since our first year dating 10 years ago, my wife and I celebrate Valentine’s Day by watching a Sylvester Stallone film, starting with the 1987 classic, Over The Top. (What, you too?) This year it was Rocky II. Why the audience cares about Rocky, and why he ultimately wins, comes down to heart. The idea of heart, and heartlessness, has been kicking around in my head since, and it seems to lay at the foundation of the divide in our country, and in my own mental and physical struggles.

The news has always been filled with suffering in all its forms, and, because of this, reading the news has always been difficult for anyone who has a soul. Wanting the best in and from people and there before you is all of the worst. This has always been and always will be. However, there have been clear times in history where this was taken to an extreme level, and we’re in one of these now. Just scanning the news these days leaves me exhausted. Physically exhausted. I feel more tired after doing so, my shoulders more slumped, eyes heavy. I’ve been obsessed with the news ever since high school, when I decided I was going to be the next Mr. Smith, going to Washington and exposing corruption and marrying Jean Arthur. Digging deeply into it isn’t anything new for me, but these last years have been different, even from the first awful term, and it’s because everything they do seems to be predicated on the questions:

  • 1. What is the most heartless thing we can do?
  • 2. What is the most heartless way we can do it?

It’s brutal. All around brutal. Never before has an entire administration simply been so heartless. All administrations have had questionable policies and strategies, but the heartlessness seen here on a daily – hourly – basis is mindblowing, especially for so many of them who proclaim to be Christians. (I am not one but was raised one and believe Jesus was an enlightened being.)

On the other side of the token has been the Walk for Peace by a group of Buddhist monks. Their entire 2,300 mile journey was an act of open-heartedness. Everywhere they went people of all ages, especially adults, simply broke down by watching these men walking calmly, undistracted, lovingly touching the earth. It was the sort of thing that you read about in history but I never thought I’d see in my lifetime. Millions around the world followed their journey of peace, a revolutionary act in a country where you’re taught from birth it’s not worthwhile doing anything unless you can make money doing so, ideally a lot of money. And yet it captured so many, most of whom are not Buddhist. An amazing display of heart, an amazing counterpoint to everything else going on right now. Peace has always been possible, we just have to prioritize it, starting with our own lives.

And here is where I make it clear that I am not an enlightened being, that I have not been able to hold peace to the standard as these monks, but it is always something I am trying to progress towards. Like so many, I had a very open heart as a child, believing everyone wanted to be my friend. Oh, how quickly that was lost. With every rejection, every bullying, every taunt and caustic laugh at my expense my heart hardened. Up went the walls and barbed wire fences. “You must protect yourself at all cost!” my brain told my body. I’m in my 40s now but those wounds, reopened and stitched back up over and over again, continue to impact my daily life. I have had several episodes of severe health issues, including one I’m in right now, and, in part, they have been due to those wounds, and to still just wanting to be everyone’s friend. At least now I can see clearly the greed, hate, and delusion that leads humans down paths of suffering, and to causing the suffering of others. But that clarity, for me, has been almost entirely in my head. I know so many things to be true but can’t feel them, and that’s because my heart remains so protected from this brutal world.

But does opening it back up necessitate letting the brutality win? Or can I simply meet the brutality, the heartlessness, the suffering of others where it is, head on, with an open heart, with softness, with loving kindness? Well, how has the opposite turned out for me? Meeting it with walls and with expectations that others see what I see hasn’t helped one bit, but nearly killed me. (As we speak I’m down to 135 lbs and my body has stared to digest my ligaments in order to keep this organism alive. For a 6′ 2″ man, that ain’t good). What has been missing from my recovery attempts has been my heart, open, feeling everything, meeting the world where it is, not where I wish it were. And that begins with meeting every individual human where they are, and not taking their actions personally, but rather practicing loving-kindness towards them, even the worst of them.

How can you do that? These are horrible people. Well, it’s true that they’ve done horrible things – which should not be forgotten for a moment – but I refuse to believe that there are so many humans who are simply horrible beings at their core. Loving kindness practice tends to offer four things to the other, with variety from the tradition:

  • May you be happy
  • May you be healthy
  • May you be free from danger
  • May you live with ease

Offer these wishes to this administration? Yes, absolutely. Hear me out. If you, or anyone you knew, were truly happy, healthy, free from danger, and living with ease – do you really think they could do horrible things? Look at these people. Look how miserable they must truly be. Yes, I wish them happiness – true happiness – which comes with contentment and openness. This is not the happiness we are told we’ll have if we just buy X, Y, and Z, or any other external thing, but the happiness that comes from within. I may not have felt it often, but when I have it has been so much better, and so much more powerful than any material happiness, and the grabbing for, and clinging to, materialism is the foundation of this entire administration.

So to come back to myself, as we always must, I need to start with loving kindness practice for myself. I, as much as any other being, deserve to be happy, healthy, free from danger, and to live with ease. I wish that for myself, and I wish it for you, and I wish it for the world. Let us all wish it before it is too late.