There were so many times over the years that I thought I wanted to kill myself (of course, if I really, truly wanted to do so, I wouldn’t be here now – there are endless ways to take one’s own life). Day to day human life has always been overwhelming at times, but no more so in such a consistent, constant manner than in our modern society, when we are assaulted 24/7, on all sides. We are given training from near birth these days in all forms of technology, which we are constantly told is to make our life better, easier, happier. How often that technology actually achieves that (if ever) is highly debatable, however, what is not particularly debatable is that we have essentially no training whatsoever in resilience. I know that was certainly my problem.

Throughout history death has been an ever present specter of life. Obviously, it is unavoidable. However, especially in America, we have gone to great lengths to hide death, try to pretend it away, sheltering our children from ever experiencing it whenever possible. While death is obviously an extreme difficult circumstance, we, as a culture, also work very hard to shelter our children from all the difficult facts of life. I certainly know that is what happened to me. I was sheltered, isolated, “protected” from harsh reality, ostensibly for my benefit, but all it did was give me absolutely no resilience, and so, when difficulties came, as they inevitably must, I had no strategies or effective coping mechanisms to deal with them. In such a vacuum, what can one do? My brain constantly was telling me, “I don’t know how to handle this, you need to escape, and the only way to truly escape is to kill yourself.”

We give trophies for participation, we give gold stars for doing the least amount of work possible, we hide anything that could potentially be painful, we create bubbles that we call “self-confidence” but without any solid foundation based in reality, we expose children to constant advertisements, to the idea that there is always something more to want, desire, chase after, and that if you don’t have whatever that thing is at the moment you are deficient. We teach math and reading and, most of all, how to be a good consumer, but we never teach resilience, at least not proactively. If it is taught at all, it is in response to trauma, mental issues, etc., most of which could’ve been avoided or dramatically lessened if we simply taught resilience to begin with, if we stopped treating children as incredibly fragile, unable to handle reality, when ironically, it is through these sorts of behaviors that they become unable to handle reality when it hits.

I was raised Roman Catholic and in my school I was taught to simply trust in God. How in any way did that make me a stronger person from the inside, give me the tools to deal with life? In short, it didn’t. It made me constantly look to someone or something outside of myself for strength, guidance, knowledge, never once telling me to listen to myself, my heart, my body to see what all of those things were telling me, giving me direct, immediate feedback on all given situations that I found myself in. Up until my early teens I was a believer, but even then the concept of heaven presented to me never made sense. And the idea of an all-powerful being who was everywhere at all times, only made me paranoid and feel guilty over anything and everything I did which might, in any way, be perceived negatively by anyone anywhere. What a horrible mindset, and what horrible outcomes that led me to.

The one good thing is that resilience can be built up at any time in your life. Like most things, it is easier to learn as a child, but that doesn’t mean you can’t benefit at any age. I certainly have. Confront reality, confront yourself, confront who you are and who you actually want to be, and take concrete steps to become that person. Listen to your self and your body, and listen carefully, and you will begin to learn things immediately, to realize what you’re doing that is bad for you and what you could be doing to better yourself, and your life, and the lives of everyone around you.

If I had been taught these things I guarantee I would not have spent so often contemplating suicide, would not have spent so many years seeking solace in alcohol, would not have been so terrified of life on a simple day-to-day basis, would not have allowed myself to be bullied on a day-to-day basis. I would’ve learned much earlier to stand my own 2 feet, and to know that I have strength inside, and that that strength can guide my life and be with me through all my days. We all deserve to feel strong, we all deserve to feel safe, and those are things that can only truly come from within us, if only we knew how to get out of the way and let them.