Ah, me. It’s been four months since I’ve done any post on here, but at least this time I have a good reason! (We always think it’s a good reason, don’t we? We creatures sure are good at justifying ourselves…) Well, my main justification this time is that Cori and I made the huge undertaking of moving from Chicago to Orlando. Yup, no more winters, no more ghosts of my childhood.

We’ve been here a little over two months now, and it hasn’t exactly been the smoothest transition, but we’re finally starting to get settled in. I’ve been able to dedicate decent time for the first time to my online vintage bookstore, Lost Generation Books, but am still struggling to find sources of good volumes down here (if anyone has any suggestions, let me know!) I know, I know, Florida on the general stage is not known for its, ahem, more intellectual pursuits these days…

Anyway, since this blog is pretty much just for myself, it’s good to touch base here finally, as I try to reconnect to the writing life. I’ve been working on a short story that I first wrote way back in 2007, and have been reworking a number of times since before we left Chicago. I think it’s finally starting to take shape into something that I’m happy with, but we’ll see what happens. Other than that I’ve been trying to find inspiration, and mostly failing. I’ve written out a couple of story beginnings, but haven’t had the wherewithal to follow any of them through. So much is about survival right now, and the likelihood of people paying me for my writing is next to none, so it has to take a backseat.

But, I remind myself that I have two finished novels ready to go, the only thing is the hunt for an agent is such a daunting process. I understand it’s a necessary one these days, but it’s so far removed from actual writing and all the reasons I love writing (and I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way.) Regardless, it’s time to start hashing out those query letters and all that good stuff, and find someone who might see worth in my work.

I’d also like to get back to making videos of me reading my stories. I’d gotten into a decent rhythm on that last fall, but then was unable to speak for a month and a half, so that kinda killed it. And now I have a voice, and I want to be heard, and I deserve to be heard (just like every other human being) and so hopefully I’ll find a way back to that.

I guess one of the biggest things has been finding inspiration – for the first time in my life I found myself without any inspiration whatsoever, which I guess is writer’s block? I always thought writers block only happened to people who weren’t really “writers” – I mean, I’ve always been able to write -often it’s been pretty terrible writing, but I’ve always had something in me that wanted to be poured onto a page. The first month and a half or so here, there was just nothing, and I’ve never felt so hollow. The last couple weeks has seen little dribs and drabs, small ideas here and there, but none of those flashes I used to get. Can anyone relate? I know everything is the result of causes and conditions, both external and internal, and so I’m trying to foster the conditions that I can, but the greatest inspiration I’ve ever gotten is from other people, and I’m rather isolated here, without a job, and desperate to feel part of a team again. It will come, I know it will come, but the process to get there is a bit of a difficult one.

All of which brings me here, back to this website that I’ve poured so much into over the years, with getting so little attention for them. So why keep doing it? For me, for myself, to keep myself on track, to inspire myself when there’s nothing external. Sometimes it feels like crafting paper airplanes only to throw them directly into a fire, but we can’t control the outcome, only how much work we put into things, and I want to get back to work.